Mad Max: Fury Road has been all the rage lately. People are saying it is amazing, and the best movie of its kind to come along in ages. However, it is lacking some elements that have given movies their badassness. Check it bro! 5 things that would have notched this movie one of the best action movies since “XXX”:
Yeah alright, this movie has some pretty sweet riffs in it. But are those riffs worthy of a real action movie about people kickin some butt for the greater good? Hell no brother! Not a single song on the soundtrack is catchy enough to rock the sleeves off my t-shirt. Nickleback is the soundtrack of asskickin’.
2. Talking Robot
A movie like this needs one. There were a lot of tense moments that could have used a robot to say witty things like “uh-oh”. Kids love a robot, and you can give the robot more lines that help explain the plot so that no one’s left behind. Even Rocky had a robot. They convey the little things. Had it not been for R2D2 going “Waaaaaoooooowwwww!” we would have never known the X-Wing getting shot was a bad thing. Had Johnny 5 not let us know “Johnny 5 alive” our hearts would have never been warmed.
3. Catch Phrases or One-Liners
Not once does Max mention anything about being “Mad” in this entire movie. You know, like “Now you’ve made me…MAD”. Deplorable! So many opportunities were missed to liven up our heroes. How am I supposed to talk with my friends about this movie if I can’t wear out the awesome quotes from it? I could think of a few great ones right now. “Water you doing here?” [kills the guitar guy]“Whats the matter? Did I strike a chord?” “Valhello and Valgoodbye” “Get your hands off my donut” The lack of one-liners is the sole reason why no one will remember this movie. Ever.
4. Samuel L. Jackson
Again. Any good movie has someone or something to explain the plot to the audience. That is why you throw Samuel L. Jackson in to say, “We gotta get these motha fuckin’ wives to the mother fuckin green land” and then he can go away. Movie needed it and it was very noticeable that there was no Samuel L. Jackson in this movie.
5. Where’s the bad guy’s cat?
There’s a rule in show business: If your big villain has a distorted voice, he’s gotta have a cat. The cat doesn’t need to meddle but it sure as shit better laugh every time the evil guy says something evil. No cat coupled with no robot resulted in zero cuteness for this movie. The only thing that was cute was the pregnant lady but then she got run over by a monster truck. Which would you rather see? A laughing evil cat or a pregnant lady getting run over by a monster truck? You’re the real monster here.