Here’s a lists of things you should know about the lists people have been ruining Facebook with.  If you have been taking note of what you’ve seen on Facebook lately you’ve noticed a shit ton of “lists”.    Things like “27 Signs You’re a Kid of the 90’s” or “Top 13 Reasons We Love Farting”.  We eat them up and send them right back out into the social media-sphere so quick that the demand for more grows and more of the lists appear.  They’ve infested my Facebook feed to the point where I just need to level with you. This article isn’t written with the intention of being funny.  Instead, what I’d like to do is provide some food for thought.  It’s simply a few things you need to consider when you look at lists you see on sites like Buzzfeed, eHow, or just about any other blog right now (including my own).

1.  Something Always Gets Left Out:  Yeah, writers of lists like this rarely include everything on there.  In fact, I know I’m going to leave something off of this list.  That’s ok though.  It means I’ll get to do a “Part Deux” and get even more hits from you.

2.  They Rely On You Being Small-Minded:  Lists are really a jumbled bunch of information crafted in to the easiest consumable form for your little mind.  For example, instead of looking up things you should know about weight loss, its much easier to read the  “Top 12 Things You Should Know About Weight Loss”.  At this point, yeah!  Screw research!  If I click on this one link I can learn 12 different things.  Thing is, those 12 different things are coming from someone who’s no smarter than you.

3.  Many Brands and Businesses Paid to Be There:  Sneaky right?  You just want to have a nice innocent time reading and blog and then some company sneaks it in ya.  Gross.  So gross, and now you’re dirty.  If you’re reading a list of top things to buy dad for Christmas then you bet your boots companies paid the author to put that stuff in there.  Stick to lists and you might not figure out how many better gift options are out there.

4.   No One Cares About Your Damn Lists: Hate to say it, but yeah it’s true.  People think you’re great but every time you post a list on Facebook it makes people care about you a little less….unless its about the 90’s OMG!!!

5.    Lists Will Shamelessly Link To Other Lists at the End of Their List To Get You to Click On Another List Thus Sucking You Into a Time/List Vortex: Lists are addictive.  It’s a slippery slope and the next thing you know it’s all you want to look at.  You shouldn’t go too overboard but if you start sucking dick for lists then you should seek help…or me.

6.   Gif’s Mean I Have To Write Less:

7.   It Doesn’t Matter What Is Said As Long As Something Is Said: The people writing these things are paid poorly.  So, it’s great that you read it and many writers take their audience seriously.  However, some just do it to get paid so here’s the breakdown for ya:  most writers of these lists either get paid by the word or by the article but either way it’s very little.  So, this means they sacrifice quality for quantity and in many cases would have never gotten the go ahead to be a published writer if it weren’t for a content hungry internet.

8.   Everything on the List Was on Reddit a Month Ago: You should check out reddit.com.  Basically all of these dumb things you think is neat, new, or “the next big thing” has already been a big thing on this site long before you knew about it.  If Buzzfeed or Upworthy is your “go to” for staying in the loop, you’re behind the curve.

9.   The Author Doesn’t Know You: I saved my favorite one for last.  You are your own unique person.  No one in this entire world thinks the same thing as you or loves the exact same things as you and that is awesome.  If you were to make a top 10 list of best winter foods, would it be the same as another person?  Hell naw!!! Everyone likes different stuff.  Don’t let some random author decide what’s great for you.

I’m aware of how pretentious this must have read, and for that I’m sorry.  I just wanted to make a list about lists.  There’s really no closing statement cause there’s a good chance you didn’t read this far or just scanned over the page.  There are only 3 reasons why you would be reading this right now:

1. You just skipped to the end

2. You read the entire thing (thanks!)

3. You pressed Control + F and typed in garglepants

See what I did there?  That was another list I just threw at you.  Also, in the spirit of lists, here’s another list I wrote:

http://alexkendig.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/11-reasons-to-say-fuck-you-in-chicago/

Anyway, I promise I’ll write something worthwhile soon.  Thanks for reading.